The Writer Who Stopped Writing

I was at the Abu Dhabi Film Festival just a couple of hours ago watching the award-winning film The Rooftops. The film is set in Algiers where the post-colonial shanty houses of the city’s slums line the expansive blue coast of the Mediterranean. The film follows the stories of five groups of characters living on different rooftops in the city’s main districts. Right from the start, the film captivated my attention. The plot seemed interesting, the cinematography of Algiers’ cityscape breathtaking, and the setting of the film a particular interest of mine.  20 minutes through the film, the ‘Asr call to pray sounded majestically over the Algiers’ rooftops on the silver screen. It was at that point that I was struck with a pang of guilt. I had missed praying the ‘Asr prayer on time. Instinctively, I stood up less than quarter way through the film, picked up my belongings, and exited the cinema.

On my way back to the hotel, as I walked across the Abu Dhabi corniche, I dwelt upon how I had been failing to attend to certain duties. It was at that point that the Isha call to prayer had sung beautifully over the Arabian Gulf that reflected the skyscrapers towering above me. Missing prayers at their appointed times seemed to symbolize many other things that I have been missing in life. My prayers connect me to God. I have come to realize that my writing is what connects me to my soul, and I haven’t been writing as regularly as I would like to.

Last week, I received news that a novel I wrote two years ago would finally be published. Right before I started my career as a consultant, I had written a novel about my love for Egypt. After writing it, I stopped writing. Why? Well, I must admit that when I have to work over 16 hours a day it is hard to experience life, reflect, and write. However, I have reached a point where I feel that my soul has been drained because I have neglected it.  

I find myself returning to this blog to write. There is so much to write about and so little time. However, I have decided that I will start reclaiming my life by writing at least one entry every week. This blog has long served as my training ground as a writer. To it I return with the hope that it will revive a passion that once brought me so much joy. 

Musings of the Mind in Cairo

I don't have a specific topic in mind this time around, but my fingers have been craving to spill some words on this blog.

Every since I've returned to Cairo, its all seemed like one long hazy dream. The majestic Athans that fill the air with their clamoring grandeur, the omnipresent solar and lunar orbs that continuously illuminate the sky, the intermittent desert breeze that caresses one's face as a relief from the intense humidity, the subdued consciousness of one's self that accompanies fasting and praying have all intensified my connection with His supreme will.

Cairo has made me forget the past and neglect the future. One can only keep track of the present. The soul of this city envelops one so tightly like the Angel Gabriel suffocated the Prophet during the Night of Al-Qadr that one loses one's sense of himself and submits to the universe surrounding him. Cairo has enchanted me with its beauty, its vibrance, and its eternity. Inside the eyes of every Egyptian, I witness the whole experience of humankind... Ever since my return, I have started to question everything I felt was so certain in life. My ambitions, my identity, my beliefs, etc... are all being scrutinized against in the context of being back in Egypt. Its kind of a surreal feeling. My days here are passing rapidly, but time seems to have frozen...

I am constantly processing and evaluating ideas about what my purpose in life is supposed to be. If there's one aspiration I have to gain from Ramadan, it is divine guidance. I am in a bind where I can't make up my mind as to how I should shape my destiny. Ultimately, I know that my mission in life is to alleviate Egypt of its plight and poverty. This is a grandiose goal, but I just pray that life will give me the opportunity to take a shot at it. I know that by continuing my studies in London, I can have a greater impact when it comes to fulfilling this mission, but I have come to question the very notion of going to London. When I witness poverty everywhere around me, I come to question what gives me the lofty opportunity of going to study in one of the world's most expensive cities. Maybe my reluctance to go ahead with the London offer is fear of failure... or may be its a genuine belief that I don't deserve such an opportunity when I see compatriots who can't make end's meet. Whatever feelings that may be stirring in my mind, I just pray the God will make clear what is the straight path for me....

The Final Lap

It's quite unbelievable that this is actually the final lap of my undergraduate career at UVa. I'm no longer anxious about what the future holds. What will come will come...All I have to do is throw my heart over the fence and the rest will follow.

I realize that I haven't written in a long time. Come to think of it, I haven't penned my thoughts since Guatemala. This semester has taken me by surprise. I thought this last semester would be one filled with leisure and bidding goodbye to my beloved Charlottesville. Surprisingly it has been quite the opposite. I have lofty goals for the outcome of my academics. I want to make sure I wrap things up on the best possible note. Not only has work taken the best of me, but it has totally engrossed me.

Considering that the courses I'm taking this semester are mainly those to satisfy my Middle Eastern studies major, I have been confronted with a plethora of ideas that have my entire existence in question. My identity, beliefs, thoughts, ideologies, pragmatism, etc... have all been put on the line. But I believe when you are pushed to the limit, to question what you hold truest to, only then can you firmly solidify your convictions. The more I learn and know, the more firmly rooted I find myself in what is true, universal, and timeless.

In any case, I don't wish to ramble on and on. I've just taken a break because I just finished my graduate school applications. Its been a long journey applying to different masters programs, but I've reached the point where I can no longer determine my fate. All I had to do was click the "submit" button on my application pages and the rest I leave to God.

Anyways, I've got plenty to work on today... but I'm glad I've had the chance to warm up my fingers for future entries that await to be written.

Reflecting upon my Systems Engineering experience at UVa

I write this entry as I approach the brink of concluding my academic career at the University of Virginia. This is indeed an opportunity for introspection and reflection with regards to the past four years and the future that awaits me after graduation. I believe this sort of reflection is beneficial so as to recalibrate my current strategy and plan ahead for the future. In retrospect, I must admit that my journey at UVa has been rewarding and self-fulfilling. I recall visiting Princeton University’s campus during my early formative high school years. The idea of living a college town with a historical legacy behind it appealed to me since. I worked ardently during my two years in the International Baccalaureate program make this dream crystallize.

Ironically, during my university application process, UVa had never crossed my mind. I applied to over twenty universities in the United Kingdom, Hong Kong, the United States, and Canada. Not one of my applications had been addressed to the UVa. Oddly enough, I sent my last college application to UVa on its official application deadline. Even stranger was the fact that my first acceptance letter arrived from UVa. When it came to making the final decision, I chose UVa over Hong Kong University at the last minute. What really motivated my decision were the American education system’s flexibility, interdisciplinary nature, and superiority in science and engineering.

Looking back, UVa has equipped me with a strong technical background coupled with linguistic, leadership, and interpersonal skills. My immersion into UVa’ rigorous engineering program taught me to think in a systematic and analytical way and the discipline and work ethic required to succeed in school, work, and life. Specifically, the Systems Engineering curriculum transformed the way I go about solving problems in any and every situation. I have learned to think holistically about any situation and to determine the different political, economic, and cultural forces involved. In every aspect of my life, I have learned to untangle complex situations, work with time and cost efficiency, and evaluate different alternatives to select the ideal scenario. The curriculum’s collaborative environment has allowed me to learn from my colleagues’ skill sets.

I would have to say that the most valuable experience with Systems Engineering hitherto has been my fourth year capstone project. This experience has allowed me to apply Systems Engineering’s concepts and methodologies in a real world setting that truly interests me. I have always been interested in improving the lives of communities in developing countries. The opportunity has allowed me to lead a group of students from diverse backgrounds and work with real stakeholders to address the water sanitation needs of an indigenous community on Guatemala’s Lake Atitlan.

Working on an engineering service project in the developing world has taught me how to provide technical solutions that are culturally sensitive to the host environment. This experience has taught me everything from the design of point-of-use water filters to how to actively engage our clients in a participatory approach. Most importantly, I learned the importance of sustainability of any engineering project to ensure its long-term success.

Where do I intend to take my Systems Engineering background? Ultimately, I aspire to succeed. This is a very vague aspiration, but it is the concept of embarking on any task and accomplishing it with distinction. I pray that my academic background has equipped me with the determination, courage, and discipline to excel in life and serve others.

Another Mystical Night With Z

In my moleskin planner, the 30^th of November stands out from all the other dates in its bright highlighter-fluorescent. I’ve been anxiously anticipating this day. Fortunately, I have had a lot to think about since to get it off my mind. Whenever a milestone appears in my life, my imagination tends to get the best of me, and I begin base my every move on how I am to face what I believe to be a turning point of my life. Tonight is a case in point.

Earlier this month, the University of Virginia’s secret Z Society clandestinely invited me to a recognition dinner. I did not know what to make of invitation. Was it an induction ceremony, would the guardians of UVa’s most revered society finally unveil their society to those invited, what had I done to earn their recognition? These were but a few of the issues running through my mind. I began to consider every single feat I may have possible accomplished in my life. Sure, I give everything I do my best shot, but I am not an overachiever. Could the Z Society read my intentions? Do they really understand my altruistic motives behind every miniscule task I pursue in my life?

Speculations aside, I decided to attend this recognition dinner with a clear mind and sincere heart. After classes today, I hastily biked home through Jefferson Park Avenue’s damp streets. I had less than half an hour to prepare for what my mind kept telling me was a defining moment in my life. Feeling a bit drowsy, I brewed myself some yerbe mate to arouse my senses a bit. I quickly shaved, splashed on some tantalizing after-shave, and oiled my hair with Mediterranean olive oil. The only other occasion when I’d be putting this much meticulous effort in my appearance would be my wedding night! I then put on some slacks, an oxford shirt, and the beige corduroy blazer I hadn’t sported in some time. A second later, I was out the door with Mozart playing on my iPod.

The venue was Michael’s Bistro so I decided to take the route that would take me through the Lawn. As I passed by the fences of the Lawn’s hidden gardens, I reminisced at how rewarding me experience at UVa has been so far. I’m going to miss dear old Uva.

Not surprisingly, when I reached Michael’s Bistro’s entrance, there was a salient sign with the words: Michael’s Bistro will be closed tonight from 6 o’clock to 8 o’clock. This was a sign that tonight was the night. As I walked up the staircase, I could already sense the mystic aura that surrounded this night. When I reached the top, I could see two tables lined parallel to one another with candle light flickering on each of them. I was one of the last guests to arrive and I had to peer over my fellow UVa students’ shoulders to find my assigned seat. At my seat, an envelop with the name “Mr. Allam” in elegant cursive awaited me. After taking my corner seat, I introduced myself and exchanged my greetings with Laura and Rachel, the two who sat by my side; they were truly endearing! We had a lively conversation the whole dinner; more about that later.

Without any signal, we all instinctively ripped open our respective envelopes. As I read the words on the paper before my eyes, I was moved like never before. Never have I been so appreciated and recognized for my efforts in my life. The words were almost divine. It had been as if God had written them. How could someone know exactly what had been behind every one of my intentions all along? Before attending this dinner, I wondered to myself, what could I possibly be recognized for? This letter recognized me for everything I had sweat over during my years at UVa, and there is nothing more rewarding than recognition by the secret guardians of UVa. The words of wisdom that the letter leaves behind for me will inspire me for the rest of my life. As much as I would love to disclose the words of this letter, I shall abstain this time around. Rather these are words worth treasuring in one’s heart…

Laura snapped me out of my dignifying trance by mentioning, “This is a letter worth framing.” I think down the road, this will be a letter that I shall treasure even more than my UVa diploma, since this letter speaks to my personal achievements, which I value more than titles, statuses, or awards.

In this lifetime, I don’t want to do good to be famous. I’d rather be anonymous.

After savoring our letters for a couple of minutes, an English professor sitting among us stood up to make an announcement. He was speaking on behalf of the “mystical” Z Society. The eloquence of his speech was flared the night with even more charm. He mentioned that service come in various shades, but its ultimate impact is one and the same: good in the name of honor and serving one’s fellow human. At this point, it all clicked! All of the words inscribed on UVa’s various buildings finally made sense to me. Every time I had passed the various epigraphs in Jefferson’s Academic Village, I had absorbed his words and implemented them. The virtues I had learned from Mr. Jefferson are honor, integrity, freedom, devotion, i.e. to name but a few. One of the sayings of Jefferson that have stuck with me to understand my purpose at UVa have been:

This institution will be based on the illimitable freedom of the human mind. For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.”

This and many other Jefferson sayings have come to give me purpose in life. After clinching the speech with “…Mystically, Z” the English professor congratulated us earning a seat among him at this spectacular dinner.

I believe this recognition is just a taste of “what goes around comes around.” I believe in the end of time, call it the “hereafter” if you wish, everyone will earn the reward or punishment they deserve. This dinner was just a sample of it. It reminds me of the Quran’s words:

“On that Day will men proceed in companies sorted out, to be shown the Deeds they had done. Then shall anyone who has done an atom’s weight of good, see it! And anyone who has done an atom’s weight of evil, shall see it.”-Sura 99

I love it when I get epiphanies like this and everything in life intertwines together so naturally. For everyone else sitting on the table, we all seemed truly endeared by this moment in our UVa career. Most of us were third or fourth years. I could seem to relate to everyone of them on some level. Laura had a global experience like me. Rachel was a writer, reader, and had gone through the International Baccalaureate program like I did. There was another girl who had lived in the International Residential College like I did. With each one of these comrades, I believe I shared something. If it weren’t our past experiences, then I am certain it will be our future success and goodwill.

I ordered duck glazed dipped in pomegranate sauce over basmati rice and asparagus. It was truly delicious to say the least. Over our meal, we discussed a plethora of issues, but the one worth noting is the one I shared with Laura. She revealed that she is a Religious Studies major, so I decided to test my knowledge of religion on her. I thought I understood Christianity and Judaism before talking to her, but I found out that what I knew was very elementary. My perception was that both religions were mere diversions from Islam, but essentially all three religions belong to the same family. Laura revealed to me that despite the fact that we recognize the same prophets, our approaches to following their messages are very different. After exchanging our sides of the story, I realized that despite their same root, the three monotheistic religions branched out very differently. To my regret, the discussion was cut short. Dinner was over at this point, but I promised Laura to continue this discussion over a cup of coffee.

Overall, this deserves the speculation I previously had for it: a life-changing event. If there is one memory I am to cherish from my experiences from UVa, it is to be this night. And if there are words that will inspire me along the way, it will be those of the Z Society.

MBA Discussion Panel: Follow Your Passion!

I just returned from an MBA discussion panel featuring the admissions officers from the top business schools in America. You name it: Harvard, Columbia, Stanford, MIT, UPenn... they were all there. This session was sort of a sneak peek into how the leaders of this world are selected.

There is no doubt that the MBA is the benchmark for grooming those who achieve success, think big, and impact the world in a significant way. I was curious to understand the inner workings of these programs. I was curious to find out the secrets of success. Apparently the success equation is simple: follow your passion!

I will make this entry sweet and short as I don't have much time for writing tonight. So what I will recount will be the words of wisdom from some of the most accomplished people I have met in a very long time. When I meet people of such stature, I believe that it is God that speaks from their mouths to convey his words or reassurance that I am on the right path and that I should continue endeavoring to succeed.

In the process of paving your path for the future, don't lose confidence and don't succumb to anxiety. Live your life as you love it and don't live in the shadow of the expectations of others. The representative from Stanford gave an example. Imagine working the standard 9 to 5 job and not loving it to the fullest and working with someone who does love it to the fullest, who do you think will achieve greater results. Its a given.

Make decisions that make you happy, that make you a better citizen, and not because you believe that it will look good on your resume or CV. If you do follow the resume-seeker role, you'll end up being like every other candidate. Seriously just do what you're passionate about and the pieces of success will fall into their right pieces.

Also, since we are young, take as many risks as you can. If you don't fail, it means that you're not trying hard enough.

At this phase in our life, all we need to do is lay down all the cards of our many aspects of life and do some introspection. Sit down and figure who you are, what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it. What legacy do you want to leave behind. Know thyself and erase any doubts under faith. Faith in God, in yourself, and in the fact that everything will work out at the end.

Some quotes left behind were:
"Education is the great equalizer of humankind." This is very true since it is intellectual capital that equalizes one's opportunities in the workplace.

Also, Roosevelt once said: "You must do that thing that you think you cannot do!" Hence always strive above and beyond the mere requirements and squeeze your potential to the last drop of sweat!

During the Q&A session, I asked to question:
"How can we ensure that we don't fall into the trap of being a jack of all traits but master of none with an MBA?"
and
"Sure, an MBA allows us to manage people and resources, but how can we go about doing that without a purely technocratic approach."

These two questions really cornered the panelists, and it was interesting seeing how they addressed the answers to the questions directly to me and not to anyone of the hundred or so other people attending the discussion. I was very humbled when the Stanford representative, in a private discussion, told me: "You know, you have a really great aura around you, which attracts people to you." I don't like flattery, but I was truly amazed how my simple comments backed with confidence and courage led everyone to remember my name and take me seriously.

I enjoyed the personal dialogue I exchanged with the other candidates. At first I was hesitant to approach them as I didn't have a clear-cut set of questions, but at the end I realized that they're only human, made of flesh and bone like I am and that I have nothing to fear from them. It was rewarding and fruitful talking to them one on one. If there's anything I learned its to have confidence in one's self and take bold risks.

Also, go out and take initiatives by leading people without seeking to have it on your resume. You don't have to be a leader to lead.

I know that this isn't a structured entry; its merely my stream of consciousness from tonight, but I wanted to record it before it fades away. I hope it will give me confidence in the future and might give my dear reader some motivation in a time of need.